I will be on a plane in 12 hours:

(pretty song, correct emotion.)













i don't know how to get this video of it off...but here it is again.

okay okay okay okay okay

sorry mother
I know you were just making a joke that I took to heart just because it takes a bit of time to write out these little posts and it takes a bit more to upload photos and and arrange them just so. So actually it is a bit of a time investment and that's why I was a little bit ticked. It reminded me of that one time after I got my ACT results and was ONE POINT away from having a full scholarship, and I only got a half scholarship, and you said, "you just lost yourself nineteen hundred dollars" because you thought it was hilarious! And I did not. And I thought writing that on the bottom of my post was hilarious. And you did not. So mother, I am sorry. Very sorry, and maybe the reason I get so upset about these things is because they are usually true. Yep, I did lose myself $1900, and yes, my blog really is not that important. So I am sorry for writing that because I love you so much and I know you were making a joke!

And I promise to write about you every post for this whole month of December even though my blog doesn't really matter. Which I know. And knew even before you told me :)

Starting today.

My mom (and dad) brought me here when I think I was six...? Maybe five, or maybe seven.

We spent a couple of days in the Loire Valley in our wood-paneled chrysler van, going from chateau to chateau. I even remember climbing out of the car to go to Chambord and telling my dad, "I don't like these kind of days when we drive in the car for a just a little bit and then get out and then have to get in and out again." I remember my dad looking at me so confusedly, like "you don't?" and all I could think was that it was obvious that I would rather either stay in the car most of the day and sleep/watch the landscape, or walk around most of the day. It was a hard transition to do that all day without getting exhausted. But give me a break. I was only six! And as soon as I got inside the chateau, I'm pretty sure I loved it. But this chateau, Chenonceau, was my favorite, and has been since.

I went to it on Saturday by myself. It took about eight hours of travel time total, but it was really fun, and I like riding trains, and I was trying to say goodbye to them. I wrote in my journal and read my book and listened to my ipod and I really loved it. I got to the chateau and it was rainy and cloudy. I went to the maze first, and I could see over the hedges this time. There was no reason I would hit a dead-end this time, and the obstacles happened to be trying to get around enormous puddles rather than trying to find my way to the middle. I remember it was actually difficult last time. Or maybe that was a different maze that we did that was actually hard, but my mom was nice and let me choose which way we would go, or would let one of my sisters choose while I followed, my long straight hair bouncing up and down while I probably chased after them giggling hysterically the way little kids do in that navy blue sweatshirt I had gotten in Switzerland. What ever happened to the sweatshirt, mother?

I do remember that after a while I was hungry and I was ready to go, so I came up to my mom and said something annoying like, "mommy can we PLEEEEASE gooo...." and mother was just looking at the chateau. I think Cami wasn't happy about something. I can't remember what. So Mother was waiting until Father was done talking to Cami. The sun was setting over the chateau and I looked at her looking at the chateau, and I could tell that she thought it was really really beautiful. So I looked at it too, looked at the beautiful arches over the water, and it's reflection, and I remembered to myself that this was the most beautiful chateau I had ever seen, with the yellow light on the wall of the chateau and the orange sky reflected in the water.

It was about fifteen years later when I came again. (Isn't that weird that I can say "fifteen years later" and it's legitimate? Old.) I couldn't spend very much time in the gardens, but I had given myself about five hours to be here, which was kind of a long time. And the entrance fee was eight euros. I ended up sitting in the hallway over the bridge and writing in my journal for a long time because it was so rainy.

I looked at the windows in the hallway and remembered how last time I was here I was not tall enough to look out and see out of the window without jumping, or I may have made that up as I sometimes do with my memory without realizing it.

And my mom came and picked me up when she saw me jumping and said things like, "look! there's the river, and you can see the gardens over there, and there's the island in the middle of the river," pointing out each of those things with her eyes at my eye level. And then our whole family, all seven of us walked down that black and white tiled hallway, or maybe we were running again, like I saw all of those little kids doing on saturday, or maybe we were hopping from black square to black square, but we were probably making the museum people nervous like we usually did, all five of us who were age eleven or younger, but we liked being in chateaux, because I think all of us could feel like princesses, looking out the windows imperiously and sauntering down the stones stairs with our arms outstretched like ballerinas.