a pleasant surprise in a forwarded email from my mother:

Dear Emily:

I am pleased to inform you that you have won honorable mention in the Vera Hinckley Mayhew Creative Arts essay contest.

You and a guest are invited to the English Department Awards Banquet, Tuesday, March 30, 2010, at blah blah blah. Your achievement will be recognized that evening and further details about your award will be given to you at that time.

Kindly RSVP. Please let us know if you require a vegetarian meal or have other dietary needs. We regret we will only be able to seat guests who respond by the March 22 deadline.

I congratulate you on receiving this award. We look forward to honoring you at the banquet.

Sincerely,

(the chairman)

Dear Chairman,

I regret to inform you that I cannot attend said banquet due to my current whereabouts in the holy land.

Sincerely,

Willow Calling (my pseudonym for the contest. i was pretty proud...)

why i know i'm actually five years old:

when i hear the crinkling of plastic and look over and hope so badly that it is candy.